Thursday, October 13, 2011
Well, the days that followed both birthing a singleton, and multiples, proved to be emotionally challenging. I pictured having this amazing water birth in my home, with my husband, midwife, and best friend Stephanie here with me, and pictured it being totally perfect complete with rainbows and butterflies....ok well maybe not that perfect but you catch my drift. Well I ended up having to go to the hospital and ended up caving into every intervention in the book while I was there. I really was not expecting to be birthing any of my children in the hospital, but that's just the way it ended up being. The part that I really did not anticipate was the PPD that would follow. I had PPD with Georgia, but do not recall taking any medication for it. I just cried a lot and felt really anxious. I also worried that I wasn't going to be able to protect her. I think that the fears that I had during that time are more related to the experience that my sister and I had with our own mother. I just want to protect my children, and especially Georgia. She is so sweet and innocent, I just love that about children. They are all so perfect.
Well the PPD with the boys was pretty bad and I ended up going to Dr. Punger for help. She suggested doing several things which I think all helped, and continue to help. The few things that I really think helped me the most were: breastfeeding (by now you probably know that I love breastfeeding), baby wearing (I love having the baby close to me), and I take an antidepressant. Those few things really help me. I know that my boys are going on 6 months now, but I am scared to stop taking the medication, because I feel really content right now and I don't want to change that. I know that PPD can affect everyone, especially the baby, which is why I think breastfeeding helps so much. The bonding that takes place between my babies and me is very strong and seeing how happy my baby is when I hold him, makes me happy.
I have included a picture of me and Logan by the marina, downtown. I have to say that I really do love baby wearing. If is very comfortable, both for me and the babies. I had an Ergo until about a week ago. Brad spilled chlorine on it and it literally disintegrated. That was a great carrier too. There are many different types of slings and carriers made for baby wearing. I am a fan of ring slings personally, but you will have to find what works best for you.
I have been a pumping machine for my little guys since returning to work, but simple math can tell you that the 12 ounces that I get when I pump at work is nothing compared to the almost 40 that they drink at day care. Obviously we needed to supplement....so I have been on a hunt for donor milk, and seriously "found the mother load" as Mel Fisher would say. I found a generous donor who is out of West Palm Beach. She has been pumping since August and accumulated about 1500 ounces of liquid gold. I had donor milk for a while, then ran out and had no choice but to give them formula. The boys have been getting mostly breast milk, with the addition of 1, 1o ounce bottle of formula a day while at daycare. I know that there is probably some crazy hippy ways of getting my milk to meet the boys demand, but the fact is folks, I am a working mom, a graduate student at Florida State, have 3 kids to take care of, 2 dogs, and a house! So while I wish I could just lay around and breastfeed to build my supply.....it's not going to happen. So while it lasts, the boys will be 100% breast milk babies again, which really makes me happy. I can tell a HUGE difference in their mood when they have formula. The are so uncomfortable, have excessive gas, spit up more, and do not sleep well when they get formula. If you think about formula, it really is pretty harsh on a baby's bowls. The whole reason behind waiting until your baby is a year old to give them cows milk, has to do with the lining of the intestines. If babies have cows milk too soon, the intestinal walls can become irritated and bleed. And what is formula made from??? Oh that's right....MILK! I don't know about the whole soy thing either. To be honest, all the estrogen in that freaks me out too.
Grad school is a whole other topic. Here is a brief overview of that part of my life. I have been working diligently on all the projects that have come up and am really enjoying my studies. I can honestly say that I feel like I am going to be really happy working as a speech-language pathologist. The projects that I have done so far this semester have eaten up all my spare time, and every weekend since August to be honest. It is hard finding time to do much of anything right now with the kids being as small as they are. Anyways, that's what is new with me.